At this moment, my opinion of the state of Missouri, the government as a whole, the Church as a whole, you and yours as a whole (yeah, *you*), and the world at large as a whole, is a lot of pissed off to cover the hurt… which is only a reflection of my opinion of myself and my relationship with God at this point in time.
None of this four decades of lifetime & what I was sent into the world to say and do had anything to do with me; and none of my internal conflict right now has anything to do with anyone else. It’s some shit between me and God, and I don’t know how long that’ll take to sort through. My hopes and plans and intentions are still the same… when I’m sad, scared, angry as fuck, happy, excited with a sense of urgency, anxious, depressed, tired, whatever… my hopes and plans and intentions stay the same. I find comfort in that. I don’t feel like I’m chasing my tail as much anymore.
The plan is to pack the furbs and move south this summer. We’re gonna start a community garden if the community will let us. It’s a daunting task, I’ve never actually started a community garden. I’ve started a few personal gardens and managed to grow juuuuust enough food for maybe a meal or two. A meal or two, from the therapeutic process of digging in the dirt and throwing some seeds in the ground, is nothin’ to shake a stick at; but it’s not the impressive bounty that would instill a sense of, “Absolutely! Effie is an amazing gardener and should totally start a community garden!” My secret hope is the community won’t know much about gardening either (seems like if there’s no community garden there yet then that’s maybe true), and we can all suck at it together & learn as we go.
My specialty last year in my home garden was wildflowers & marigolds. I don’t know how much you know about wildflowers and marigolds, but I could probably throw a packet of wildflower and marigold seeds in the garbage, take the garbage to the dump across town, and somehow wildflowers and marigolds would still magically sprout and bloom in the flower beds outside. Doesn’t take any knowledge, wisdom, or skill at all to grow wildflowers and marigolds; except for the knowledge, wisdom, and skill to choose wildflowers and marigolds when you don’t know anything about gardening. So, that’s where we’re starting.
More soon, much love,