Yep, I Left

I left The Church. I left the Queer Community. I left the University. All of those groups were really abusive & not a great fit for me, personally.

There’s no way to completely remove the parts of myself and my life which are tethered to The Church, there’s certainly no way to remove the parts of myself which are Queer, and I can’t completely remove the humans from my life who identify with The Church and/or the Queer Community. The individuals on the Board of Directors for The Garden are very rooted in those parts of my life and self, and so much of what I respect and admire about those humans are those roots. But I, personally, have walked away from those organizations.

To focus myself on that choice, I tried to stop watching TV sermons, and tried to stop watching TV politics and pop culture. I haven’t owned a television for a long time, and didn’t have a television for a long time until my kids were born. Now I have YouTube in this supercomputer in my hand, and I check-in on what’s going on in the world more often than I should.

During my internship in a Church Building, I went to a few Pub Theology gatherings, where people sit around and have a beer or two and talk about theology. It’s nice to hear feedback on what humans in the neighborhood have to say about theology, and it gave social context to what was going on spiritually. I’ve tried to file the TV sermons in that same Pub Theology space in my brain, and that worked for a while, but I can’t quite get there these days. It just feels like one long not-reality TV show.

I’m eager to get my hands in dirt, my feet on the ground, my butt in The Garden. Gardens are apolitical, atheist, asexual, and completely without agenda or prejudice. I’m really looking forward to that.

More soon, much Love,


Gardens are gardens…

A really big part of this move to The Garden is my personal decision to never reside inside a building again. I’m moving out of this house, putting my belongings in a storage unit, and living outdoors.

I can’t really pinpoint why, though I do have a handful of side effects from that which resonate as personally valuable. It’s better—for building and tending a garden—to live in the garden.

I don’t have the technical experience of the start-up process for a nonprofit, and it’s a lot of Googling and pondering. The law, as I understand it, says that a 501c3 should not have any political agenda or involvement. I struggled with that bit, but am starting to find an authentic space inside myself where I might be able to live that.

I’m a human being, I’m allowed to have political opinions, I’m allowed to write my political opinions on the Internet with a pseudonym; I’m just not allowed to use the nonprofit to further, endorse, or promote those opinions. That’s really fair. A 501c3 nonprofit is released from government/political taxes, with the understanding that entity will function outside the restrictions of that governmental politic.

After some time of wondering how I (maybe the most opinionated person on earth) might keep my opinions to myself, I sat and prayed about it for a while. In that time, I realized that if I’m living in The Garden, if I’m working in The Garden, if I’m walking that life authentically, there’s nothing about that which changes depending on who’s in political office… hungry kids are hungry kids, no matter who’s in office… gardens are gardens, no matter what politicians say on TV.

There might be nuances in paperwork that change every two to four years; but if the purpose and mission is genuinely applicable to a consistent human need, that physical and spiritual need—and the solution to that need—won’t change & isn’t subject to political opinions.

More soon, much Love,


I don’t know why

The most amazing lightning storm just lit up the sky like ten 4th of Julys in one; made the hair on my legs stand on end, and the air smells so clean. Almost no rain, just heat lightning over the whole sky.

When I was a teenager, I worked the overnight shift at Kinko’s for a bit, and there was a couple who came in to use the color copiers one night and they asked for some extra help. They were traveling through town, and they gave me a handful of beads to say thank you. I kept one of the beads this whole time, I don’t know why; but I find it in my jewelry/keepsake box every so often, and I’ve run across it several times lately while making the prayer buttons.

There was an inexplicable moment that night shift at Kinko’s when I was standing by the color copier and I almost passed out, just got really light headed and fell to my knees in the lobby of Kinko’s and everything went black. I figured I hadn’t eaten enough, but it happens every so often still & it just happened in the hallway outside the bathroom after I came inside from the lightning storm.

I went outside to watch the lightning, came inside and thought I’m not sure if I’ll make it to California this summer or not, and that same weakness to my knees happened, and I heard, “the Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want,” and I thought about that bead in my jewelry box.

More soon, much Love,


Safety is good, it’s right there in the name.

I didn’t realize cops carry Glocks… buuuuut… now that I do know, I feel inclined to point out that the reason I didn’t buy a Glock, even though it fit my hand really well, is because there are zero safety features on a Glock.

Humans who carry Glocks either have a loaded round chambered with no safety, or a useless weapon that has to be racked and chambered to be used (which almost no one does). So… maybe the fuckin’ cops wouldn’t murder so many people if they had a weapon with a safety, instead of a hair trigger on a chambered round. Just a thought.

At some point in the past decade, WordPress upgraded the interface. I used to have a widget to imbed YouTube videos & now it just does it automatically!! When I posted the video of the United States President gettin’ schooled on sign language, I spent at least ten minutes trying to find the widget to imbed video before I pasted the link into the draft so I wouldn’t lose it while I went Internet hunting for the answer & BANG! magic. We also don’t have to do personal accounting with an abacus anymore either.

More soon, much Love,


Forgive those, who? Trespass against *us.*

I’ve spent a lot of time lately applying this idea—of bending the punctuation and subject/object to reinterpret colloquialisms & oral history that have been recorded incorrectly—to the daily time I commit to sitting with The Lord’s Prayer.

“Give us this day our daily bread, and for give…” the other day I heard that as a way to ask blessing for a harvest, and for give… “and” is the extra just to give away, not for sale and profit, not for hoarding while depriving our neighbors, friends, siblings, children.

“and for give, us… our… trespass is as we, for give those, who?… trespass is against us.” this bend on punctuation, meter, inflection… when applied at a local level to locked buildings, when unsheltered people must break in for food and shelter, when unsheltered people are arrested for trespassing, reminds me that we are all breaking the law for anyone to be locked out, unsheltered and starving.

When applied to international border policy… if we are we, if the extra, the gluttonous extra we have as the cake crumbs from our table that we leave on the floor in disregard… if we have what we need and the extra is for us to give as we… then there is no trespass, (against who?)there is no illegal border crossing, there is no border.

Those, who? Trespass against us. It’s impossible to trespass in your own home.

Unlock the doors; our siblings, our kids are outside.

More soon, much Love,


Communist Board of Directors

The stupid government requirement for a group to file for nonprofit 501c3 says the Board of Directors has to be structured like the government. You have to have officers (President, VP, Secretary, Treasurer), and then have separate employees (CEO etc).

I have seen a local nonprofit who had two Presidents who co-President a nonprofit. So it seems logical that a group of a dozen or so people could all be co-Presidents of the organization & dismantle that power structure to build the community investment and involvement, ownership and agency of every individual on equal standing, and also remove the overworked burden on the one President/VP/Secretary/Treasurer.

To serve on the Board of the Community Garden is to be co-President & co-Vice President of the Community Garden. I like to write, so maybe I could be co-Secretary with anyone else who likes to write. Maybe we could have a dozen people who put their names on all four lines, so we’re all co-President, co-Vice President, co-Secretary, and co-Treasurer & then everyone contributes as much time and labor as able and desired to those tasks. Then there’s no passing the buck of “it was all that person’s responsibility & that person didn’t do the job right, so it’s that person’s fault.” All of our names are on all four lines. We all go together, or we don’t go at all. Also clears up a lot of bandwidth for making art and manifesting bliss.

More soon, much Love,


If? Jesus was a tree…

We celebrate the birth of trees by “harvesting”/cutting them down, bringing them inside, and putting nonsense all over them. That’s how we celebrate Jesus’ birth… human years are days in the life span of a tree, it took three days/years for that evergreen tree to push away a stone (seed shell), be miraculously reborn, and grow back to the size before the crucifixion. People in the Bible lived for hundreds of years. We think that is miraculous and impossible; however, if we mentally substitute a tree for all the human impossibility, the Bible makes perfect sense. 

The Bible is an inerrant human Rorschach Test; edited over the centuries through the filter of the humans who projected opinions and perceptions onto the blank slate. The Gospel has child molestation and murder and slavery and the contents of human greed & injustice layered on top of a benign life story; because that’s what was predominantly sodden in the ideology of the humans with the pens. The Roman Catholic Church had the copyrights to the content for eons, and has only recently brought the Church standard of child molestation and abuse into the daylight. 

We rightfully demand safety and protections for our biological kids in our immediate legal family responsibility, yet we fail to extend that safety to unsheltered/at-risk kids in our Community who need Homeless Court, Services, and Family. We behave as if our societal challenges and failures are impossible to mend.

However, if we mentally substitute the kids in our immediate legal family, for the way we treat our extended at-risk kids in Community, the failure makes perfect sense. 

More soon, much Love,


Motherfucker here, motherfucker there, everywhere a motherfucker

Motherfucker is one of the most glorious words in American English. Phonetically it’s beautiful, linguistically it’s beautiful, culturally, it’s beautiful. 

All those consonant clusters and full hard mouthfuls of sound; all the glorious ways to use the word in a sentence—try to use it as a preposition three times a day, your life will get better; all the ways the honesty of a motherfucker keeps me out of places I shouldn’t be. 

I have said for year that I don’t want a job where I can’t wear a hoodie and say “motherfucker.” When I’m in a motherfucker of a situation, and some motherfuckers put me there, and my main motherfucker at the table is the only one who knows what the motherfuck I’m motherfuckin’ talkin about, because everything is motherfucked to motherfucker and back, and it needs to be put motherfuck the table… a world without motherfucker is motherfucked. 

The Board of Directors for the Community Garden has a nationwide motherfucker of a crew of founding members forming, today that is motherfuckin’ good news. 

More soon, much Love,


Phonetics, typos, and tribal wisdom

Most often, the bougie assholes—who grabbed a pen and wrote stuff down & are credited with the copyright and quotation—were just tourists who eavesdropped on the people, didn’t understand what was heard and wrote stuff down incorrectly. The people who own the story, often can’t write and/or can’t get visibly published.

“If you don’t have anything nice to say, then don’t say anything at all.” 

That phrase is often said as a Church Building way to say, “shut up, you’re being rude.”

Working with the punctuation and tone of that phrase completely flips the polarity:

“If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t. Say anything at all.”

Not only should we not shut up if there’s nothing nice to say, we shouldn’t pretend to say something nice if there’s nothing nice to say. If the situation is so awful that there’s nothing nice to say, then anything said is helpful and appropriate. 

More soon, much Love,


Better than bugs in a rug…

We had a “cold snap” with below freezing temps here, and I was really glad to have the seedlings still in the sprouting tubs. Brought them inside and tucked them in for a day or two until the cold passes. Little babies all in a crib. So cute.

More soon, much Love,